Forgiveness is a very misunderstood concept, we do not consider the fact that forgiveness is the first step towards self-healing and peace of mind. In Right Now! Suzanne K. Oliver dedicates an entire chapter to the practice of forgiveness, calling it a vital component in overcoming anxiety, depression, and even suicidal thoughts.
Her perspective is shaped not only by research but by heartbreak. After losing both her son and husband to suicide, Suzanne faced grief that could have destroyed her. Instead, she began the slow, painful, and ultimately freeing work of forgiveness, of others, and of herself.
This blog explores why forgiveness is so critical to mental wellness, and how to begin practicing it in your own life.
What Forgiveness is, and What It is not
Forgiveness does not mean forgetting. It does not mean condoning hurtful actions or denying the pain they caused. As Suzanne explains, forgiveness is not about the other person, it is about you.
The Greater Good Science Center defines forgiveness as “a conscious decision to release feelings of resentment or vengeance toward a person or group who has harmed you, regardless of whether they actually deserve your forgiveness.”
This act of release, as difficult as it may be, can free you from a mental prison of anger, shame, or guilt that weighs down your emotional state and poisons your spirit.
Why Forgiveness Heals
Holding onto pain and resentment keeps our nervous systems in a state of stress. It reinforces trauma patterns and fuels self-sabotaging thoughts. In Right Now!, Suzanne makes the case that forgiveness can help:
- Lower anxiety and depression
- Improve sleep and energy
- Boost self-esteem and emotional regulation
- Ease physical symptoms related to chronic stress
Science backs this up. Studies show that forgiveness is associated with better mental health, lower blood pressure, and increased overall well-being.
Self-Forgiveness: The Hardest, Most Important Step
For many people, forgiving others is easier than forgiving themselves.
Suzanne writes candidly about the burden of guilt she carried after her son’s death. The what-ifs. The regrets. The unspoken words. Self-forgiveness became not just healing, but survival.
She encourages readers to understand that self-forgiveness is not weakness or denial. It is a brave act of choosing to treat yourself with the same compassion you would offer a friend.
How to Practice Forgiveness (Even if you are Not Ready)
Forgiveness is a process, not a moment. Suzanne outlines these steps to begin:
- Acknowledge the pain – Be honest about what hurt you.
- Accept your emotions – Anger, sadness, and grief are all part of the process.
- Choose forgiveness – Even if you cannot feel it yet, your intention matters.
- Let go of needing an apology – Forgiveness is about freedom, not fairness.
- Repeat as needed – Some wounds take time. You may have to forgive again and again.
- Use spiritual tools – Prayer, meditation, journaling, and energy work can support emotional release.
- Work with a therapist – A mental health professional can guide you through deeper emotional processing.
Forgiveness in Daily Life
You do not have to start with the biggest hurts. Suzanne suggests practicing forgiveness daily in small ways:
- Forgive yourself for not being productive enough today.
- Forgive the person who cut you off in traffic.
- Forgive your past self for choices you did not know better not to make.
Each act of forgiveness builds emotional flexibility and strengthens your resilience.
The Emotional Weight of Un-Forgiveness
Suzanne also shares how holding on to resentment or shame can keep people stuck in cycles of mental illness. Depression often feeds on guilt and regret. Anxiety thrives on self-doubt and fear of judgment.
Forgiveness interrupts these patterns. It creates space for new thoughts, new behaviors, and most importantly, new hope.
Final Thoughts: Forgiveness Is a Gift to Yourself
Forgiveness is not easy. But as Maya Angelou famously said, “Forgiveness is the greatest gift you can give yourself.”
Suzanne K. Oliver’s Right Now! Offers practical, heartfelt guidance for those who are ready to let go of what is holding them back. If you are struggling to move forward emotionally, forgiveness might be the missing key.
To read more about forgiveness and other life-saving mental wellness strategies, visit Suzanne K. Oliver’s website or get your copy of Right Now! On Amazon.
